July 16 2005

There’s some odd news this week, gang. One of our more senior members Lazarus Larson, [known as "Lazy"] was watching TV reruns the other day and saw one of those advertisements for insurance. The kind of insurance that older people buy to bury them selves with.
It reminded "Lazy" that he really had a deep seated disaffection for insurance companies and that it was about time for him to get some money put away for the occasion of his demise.
His first thought was a garage sale. He had some fine collectors items in his gun cabinet, along with antique fishing lures, and a few paintings and what not.
But what should he charge for them? The answer he came up with was a silent auction, like we have every year at the Montrose Beer and Gun Club benefit for kids that wish things were better.
And along with the silent auction, he thought that maybe a couple kegs of beer would be a nice touch.
The more he thought about it, the closer he came to realizing that he could probably get a band and some barbeque and turn it into his own wake.
It stood to reason that having your wake while you were still alive, just might be "one hell of a hoot!" as he put it.
Well, as some of you are aware, he printed up fliers and passed them all out at all the usual places, welcoming all club members to attend "Lazy" Larson’s wake and silent auction complete with beer, a silent auction, barbeque and a band. The proceeds would be used to cover the expenses of "Lazy’s" upcoming funeral.
Well, as you know "Lazy" has lots of friends. And many of them showed up with items to donate to the silent auction. St. Arnold’s Brewery showed up with extra kegs of beer, more meat was purchased, and at one time there were seven barbeque pits working.
"Lazy’s" wake had turned out to be the social event of the season.
By the time a third band showed up the gathering was really beginning to get into the spirit of thing, so to speak.
And it was at this point that the man wearing a black western outfit turned a corner in the crowd and came face to face with "Lazy".
The man’s face turned white. He dropped his beer and staggered back a step or two.
"Lazy" walked over to him, gave him a hearty whack on the back and said, "Why Bill, you crazy old coot, I’m glad you could make it!"
"Bill" clutched his chest and went down on the ground, making strange gurgling noises.
An ambulance appeared shortly and took him to the hospital just as a precaution. As it turned out, he just got a beer and a piece of brisket caught sideways while dealing with the shock of seeing a "Lazy" that had apparently risen from the grave.
As the ambulance pulled away, somebody turned to "Lazy" and said, You know? If you do this again next year, like we all want you to, you maybe ought to mention on the flyer that you’re still alive.
"You got a point there." said "lazy". "you got a point there.."