August 27 2005

Well gang, just like we promised, representatives of the club house and firing range committees went out to our facilities this past week, and their report is a strange one indeed.
It appears that Tom Delay’s boys have been using our club house and ranges for gatherings of their own.
The clues that they left behind were indicative of the ideological split in their thinking. For instance, walk in coolers #1 and #3 were filled with ice tea and lemonade, while coolers #2 and # 4 were stacked with beer. And not one keg of Shiner or St Arnold’s either. The beer they had in those coolers wouldn’t be used by a self-respecting fire department to put out a fire.
The TV cable was still hooked up and running in the out-houses, and the channel settings broke down to about a fifty-fifty split between religious programming and hard core pornography.
Out on rifle range #1, the evidence there left no doubt that it was being used as a cow patty tossing range. Like as if the legislators and politicians of this country don’t get enough of that kind of activity when they’re on the job, doing the work of the people.
On the anti-tank range located farthest from the club house, had been dug a large mud pit, and sticking up from that mud were strips of fabric that when pulled free of the mud, turned out to be thong bikinis. One can only imagine what had been going on out there.
However, the most revealing indications of a philosophical schism was found in the clubhouse itself.
Here, as one might expect, were discovered framed photos of political and religious leaders of the conservative right, including artists renditions of important figures from the Christian Bible.
There were quite a few Bibles around, including some in boxes, and tables piled with campaign literature, and talking points and so on. All symbols of conservative unity.
But there were other signs, also.
Like the fresh bullet holes in the clubhouse bar, and the mirror behind it. The leg of a chair, broken off and showing signs of use as a bludgeon the heavy end; the human tooth found under a bar stool. The handsomely framed portrait of Ronald Reagan with the cracked glass and human hair stuck to it’s fine walnut frame by some dark brown substance.
Oh yes, they must have had a more than casual difference of opinion about something.
Be that as it may, our people will start putting things in order, and making all the repairs that will undoubtedly be necessary after months of our absence.
The most optimistic in the crew are hoping for a gathering at the clubhouse by Thanks Giving.
At last, we have hope again.