January 28 2006

Some hard luck news this week gang. One of our members, by the name of Jack Brewer, came home from an afternoon of shooting and drinking, and was showering up before dinner.
He was expecting an important phone call. After complimenting a friend on his wonderful batch of holiday home brew, the friend said that he would phone him with the recipe that evening.
When had just gotten fully lathered up in the shower he thought he might have heard the hall telephone ring. He turned off the shower, and sure enough, it was the phone.
Wiping soap from his eyes, he climbed out of the shower, and as he was opening the bathroom door, his left foot slipped a little on the tile floor and the bottom of the bathroom door lifted his left big toe-nail most of the way off of it’s usual resting place. Which was on top of his left big toe.
This might have slowed some men down. served as a warning perhaps. But Jack wasn’t some men, and he really wanted that recipe.
Hobbling as fast as he could, trailing soap suds and water onto the hardwood floor, Jack made for the upstairs hall phone.
He grabbed the phone, but couldn’t stop. He just kept sliding toward the stairway to the downstairs.
As one foot slid over the first stair step, he lost his balance, and reaching desperately for something to grab onto, he suddenly found himself with a handful of one very surprised house cat.
In the space of one second, the cat’s amazing reflexes enabled him to deliver seven to ten really deep lacerations with each paw, while at the same time gnawing at Jack’s fingers with a set of dental equipment that would have done any cat this side of the African continent right proud.
Jack’s right arm, what with all the water diluting the blood and all, looked like it had been put through a blender.
In trying to get up, the first time, he slipped, fell flat on his face, and broke his nose.
Just as he finally got to his feet, and was realizing that he still had the phone in his left hand trailing a wire with a plug on the end of it, the front door opened and in walked his wife with the bread and wine for dinner.
He gestured with his bloody right hand and started to speak. But she raised the palm of a hand. "No", she said, "No, let me guess."
Jack couldn’t help but grin a little.
He could have given her a big hug and a kiss, but of course at that time, it was completely out of the question.
Like, completely out of the question.

Till next week
Helga Biermeister
Secretary