December 24 2006

Well gang, here we are on the eve of Christmas, and many a mom and pop have been , and will be, taking their children to see Santa Claus.
Now, on Occasion this rite of Christmas is complicated by the normal fears of children. Much the same as children are often instinctively afraid of clowns. No one quite knows.
After all, most member’s children have smelled alcohol before, and have seen friends of the family dressed up in strange garb. Especially during football season.
But while modern parents enter into introducing their children to Santa needlessly experiencing some trepidation in the process, sometimes the wonderful tradition really does have unexpected repercussions.
For instance, there are some children, that have been around, that just know for sure that Santa’s beard is cotton candy. Needless to say, this has caused some problems.
Others, because of careful training by cautious parents, mindful of modern times, just can’t bring themselves to old men. Even if he doesn’t offer them candy. Even if his cotton candy beard is fair game.
Still other children, and this is important, can’t seem to relate to an old man who doesn’t have a bottle or mug of beer in his hand.
Surveys have been conducted that seem to suggest that the children of Montrose Beer and Gun Club members, seem to relate positively to not only Santa’s with a beer in their hand, but a pistol on their hip, and smelling strongly of gun oil.
Which leads us at club headquarters to believe that, while children being afraid of clowns, is probably a good thing, some people, some how, are teaching their children to fear a Santa Claus that isn’t hitting the sauce, and isn’t wearing a side arm.
The good part is, that our kids know a good one when they see or smell one. But the bad part is, where do you take your kids to see a Santa that drinks beer, packs heat, and smells like it? There ain’t many places.
Every member should know that we at head office work diligently on meaningful problems just like this every day.
In the meantime, have a jolly and merry Christmas and don’t take any wooden Christmas balls.

Till next week
Helga Biermeister
Secretary