March 4 2006

Well gang, there’s bad news this week. It’s time that we all realized that we are in the middle of a secret war of terror.
First it was discovered that Tom Delay, and Dick Cheney, who only last week was being considered for an honorary membership in the club, have been trying to get our clubhouse and shooting ranges taken away from us under eminent domain. Their plan was to turn it into a posh hunting reserve for republicans and lobbyists.
Our lawyer, Wolfgang Schellcasing, tells us that their attempt will fail, not only under existing law, but because Wolfgang knows where a number of bodies are burried. So to speak
Even more insidious, some members of the operations committee have out-sourced several sensitive positions in the club to, if you can believe it, a vegan, a card carrying member of the Temperance League, and a lobbyist for the Anti-Gun Lobby. And all the moves were done quietly and cloaked in secrecy. And then, they were allowed to join the club.
Now, normally when people join the club we don’t give background checks. Why hell, if they’re crazy enough to want to be members, that’s their problem.
So at first, when a vegan, a temperance type, and an anti-gun lobbyist showed up, we at club headquarters wanted to be politically correct as usual, and hesitated to say anything.
After all, they had done good things for us in the past.
Then someone suggested that we check the beer trail. You know, the old "follow the beer" thing.
And sure enough, inordinate amounts of beer were showing up at headquarters addressed to these three.
The Temperance League guy was getting "O’Doul’s" to be sure, but it still fit the pattern.
That was good enough for us, and they were forced to turn over their membership cards, which were shredded, and their official t-shirts and caps, which were burned.
We have discovered what amounts to a cell in the club, and they have paid the ultimate price. They have been dismembered.
These are not times to be complacent gang. Keep an eye on your fellow member. Even if a man or a woman brews one hell of a beer, and occasionally blows off a finger or toe, sometimes even their own, that doesn’t mean that they’re not seeking to destroy us from within.
Keep your eyes and ears open. And keep the faith.

Till next week
Helga Biermeister
Secretary