December 01 2007
Well gang, there’s some belated Thanksgiving news this week.
It seems that "Turk" Fowler’s wife was coming back from a trip to her mother’s and he wanted to surprise her by having the Holiday already in the oven when she came home.
The kitchen sink was full of three days worth of dishes, and the bird, a big forty pounder, was still frozen, so he took the bird upstairs put it in the bath tub and turned on the cold water.
With the turkey thawing, he went back downstairs and finished cleaning the kitchen. Then he popped another beer and walked into the living room to watch the foot ball game.
The carpet squished as he took the first steps into the room. He looked to the steps leading to the upstairs and water was cascading down them.
He rushed upstairs, shut off the cold water, and noticed that the plastic bag that the turkey had come in, had drifted off the bird somehow and had stopped up the opening of the overflow drain.
He grabbed the turkey and headed downstairs to the now empty kitchen sink.
At the head of the wet stairs, his feet zipped out from under him.
Suddenly in midair, he threw the turkey over his head and reached out in space to use his hands to break his fall. But as it turned out, it was his head that broke his fall, rattling down the stairs like a kid running a stick along a picket fence.
When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he was trying to access the extent of his injuries when a loud THUMP! THUMP! Behind him caught his attention.
He spun around just in time for a still frozen forty pound turkey to strike him smartly in the nose, breaking it, and driving the already abused back of his skull into the expensive and stylish solid oaken door to the front of his home.
When his wife came home, the blood from his nose mixing with all the overflow from the bath tub made it appear as though perhaps he had been disemboweled.
She dialed 911 and the EMTs assured her that while the broken nose was the source of all the blood, most of the mess was water. Probably from upstairs somewhere.
After "Turk" came home from the hospital, and had spent a couple of days in a dark room, drinking tea and chicken broth, his wife surprised him with a belated, but very fine roast turkey dinner. When she asked him what he thought of the meal, "Turk" grinned and said, "They say that revenge is a meal best served cold." He took another bite from the huge drumstick. "In this particular case, I would beg to differ. Nice job Honey."
All’s well that ends well.

Till next week
Helga Biermeister
Secretary