December 08 2007
Well gang, here’s a piece of news that you won’t find anywhere else but right here. And it’s bad news too. A sign of the times.
The Christmas Season is always a time of year when crime goes up, and this year is no exception. A few nights ago, a tortoise was mugged in downtown Houston by a couple of snails.
A despicable crime if ever there was one. Particularly when one takes into account the easygoing, un-aggressive nature that we all know that tortoises posses.
Anyway, a Good Samaritan called 911 and the flashing lights of the ambulance were illuminating the scene like strobe lights in a 70’s disco.
The investigating officers got out of their squad car, and you could tell
That even after years of hardening on the force they were visibly moved by the injured tortoise and his plight.
The lead officer braced himself, reached for his notebook and pen, and approached the stricken tortoise.
"Pardon me sir," said the officer, "are you the tortoise that mugged about fifteen minutes ago by a couple of snails?"
The tortoise slowly raised his head, and then returned his gaze to the ground. "Yeah." He said sadly.
The policeman bit his lip and quietly said, "Could you describe your assailants?"
The tortoise looked back up at the officer. "Well," he said " I would if I could, but geez, it all happened so fast."
Sorry gang, but it was just one of slow news weeks. If you’ll pardon the expression.

Till next week
Helga Biermeister
Secretary