May 3 2008
Well gang, you all know our fellow member "Hoss". He’s the guy who ram-rodded the production of our official cook book "The Texas Food Chain Massacre".
Well it seems that his eyesight was starting to go, and when he took his sport fisherman out for a fishing trip, he was having a little trouble reading the dials on the control panel.
Like all of us that like to impress the ladies, "Hoss" felt that glasses would make him look like an old man…so he bought himself a pair of reading glasses that were heavily tinted against the sun. They were sexy as all get out. Gave him that Italian movie star look, and he could see the controls that were a little higher that waist high, just fine.
He walked around the dock showing off his new sunglasses, kind of strutting, with his chest out and his belly sucked way in. He knew he looked good.
But when he walked to the edge of the dock to get on the boat, the reader’s glasses, not being prescription bifocals, blurred and shifted the image of the dock’s edge, and he went head first off the dock.
His shoulder smashed into the gun whale and he wound up on the deck of his vessel.
The surgeon who operated on "Hoss" had taken care of a mess of sport’s injuries and auto-accident injuries in his time, and claimed that it was the ugliest looking shoulder that he had ever seen.
The doctor said that it looked like a ten-pound sledge might have been used on "Hoss".
"Hoss’" friends, as friends are wont to do, reached out to him to express their sympathy. An email, typical of their sentiments is as follows: "Just thought I’d drop a line to let you know that nobody talks about you any more, and they don’t give a damn either."
Another friend, on hearing of the accident, called him on the phone, and being a biker of many years, said," I heard you had a bad accident down at the boat dock and thought I’d call and ask if the new glasses were O.K.
It’s nice to have friends.
Just the same, "Hoss" has been sending death threat emails to his buddies.
Some of them in disgusting, graphic detail.
And in case you’re wondering, the glasses survived without a scratch.

Till next week
Helga Biermeister
Secretary