July 19 2008
Last week you may have noticed that there was no report on the radio. You may also have noticed that we did not have a grand re-opening of our clubhouse and shooting ranges on the fourth of July. Well, the reason for the former was the latter. The grand opening of our facilities did not open on the fourth of July because. . .
It turns out that, at the last minute, we were shut down by the office of Homeland Security.
It seems that it had come to their attention that a number of airplanes were scheduled to arrive at our club’s facilities from foreign countries that had listed on their flight manifests an inordinate amount of ordnance.
These items ranged from pistols and rifles to mortars and anti-tank guns.
It is said that the flights from the Middle East and South America inspired particularly high levels of scrutiny.
When it was found that substantial amounts of keg beer was also on board, it is reported that the Homeland Security boys got a sly squint to their eyes and left inspection of the beer kegs to guys in radiation proof suits.
The amount of fine beer and ale that was destroyed during the inspection process brought tears to the eyes of more than just a few.
As soon as Homeland Security showed up on site, everybody in home office of the club got on the phones, stopping planes from taking off, causing others to turn around, and just getting the word out in general.
Meanwhile, at the airstrip, club members tried to explain about the Montrose Beer and Gun Club.
The Home Land Security guys grinned at each other; "Sure," they said, "A likely story." And stuff like that. Like as if the club was some kind of a joke.
Finally, after they saw all the T-shirts and hats, and lifetime membership cards, and checked out our web site, and realized that all the beer kegs contained beer, and damned good beer at that, they chose not to press charges.
But, they closed down our airstrip to international flights, and shut down the clubhouse and ranges until the national terrorist threat was a very pale yellow. Whatever that means.
As for not having a radio report last week, everybody in club headquarters was busy sending out apologies to club members about not getting in touch with them about the closing of our facilities.
IF you haven’t received your apology yet. . .well, it’s in the mail.

Till next week
Helga Biermeister
Secretary