April 18 2009
This time of year it’s hard sometimes not to recall favorite stories from the past. This one went like this.
Spring has sprung, and the marriage rate has begun its seasonal upward climb. Among those falling prey to the age-old malady this past weekend was our good friend "Bat" Masterson.
Masterson’s given name is James, but as you probably recall, when he was eighteen years old or so, he had an accident that caused him to go blind. Naturally, all his close friends started calling him "Bat" Masterson after that.
Anyway, after being out of town for a couple of years, "Bat" showed back in town, proposed to his childhood sweetheart, and she accepted.
His best buddies decided to throw him a bachelor party on Friday night. It was complete with beer, guns, and a couple of models, who at the time were modeling nothing but thongs. And the thongs were on their feet.
"Bat" showed up wearing dark glasses, and tapped his way up the walkway with a cane. All his buddies shouted "Surprise" and shoved a can of beer into his hand.
After a couple of beers, they went out back where the boys had set up a series of those baseballs made for the blind that have little beepers in them, and the shooting started.
The models came out at about that point, saying nice things to "Bat" and rubbing their cheeks up against his, and all like that.
It turned out that "Bat" was pretty near as good as the rest of the boys.
"Well," said the host of the party, "it’s amazing, how the mind tends to compensate for loss of one of the senses," And this, of course, is true.
At last the party wound down. The models went home. Provided, of course, with escorts. For safety reasons. The host was leading "Bat" to his designated driver’s car, when he shook his head and said, " Golly, but that redhead sure was a cutie."
"Bat" took off his dark glasses. Seemed to gaze off into the distance and sighed, " I thought the full body tan on the little blonde was absolutely fantastic."
His host and the rest of the boys spun on "Bat" as one man. "You what?"
"Guess I forgot to tell you boys." He grinned. "I came back home to get married because an operation has restored my eyesight. Isn’t that terrific?"
That’s when the boys ganged up on him and started beating on him. The crowd thought it was just terrific, all right. Being kept in the dark, and all like that.

Till next week
Helga Biermeister
Secretary