July 18 2009
In keeping with our recent habit of broadcasting summer reruns of late, here is a repeat of a little story of about five and a half years ago.
It seems that a bunch of the boys were hanging out one weekend at "Macho’s" Icehouse, having their monthly arm wrestling tournament, and in walks this slightly built dark-haired woman in tight fitting jeans.
She put her foot on the brass rail, and Earl the bartender leered at her a little and asked, "What can I do for ya, little lady?"
"You can call me Tess." she said.
Earl polited-up a little, and said "All right Tess. What can I getcha?"
Well, Tess got her a bottle of Shiner beer, and as the boys looked her up and down she studied the poster announcing the arm wrestling tournament. After a while she asked, "Is the tournament for regulars, or can anybody enter?"
Earl informed her that "Anybody with ten bucks was in."
"Then I’m in." she said. And shoved a nice new tenner toward Earl.
"Now wait a minute," said Earl, "we ain’t got no lady’s division in this thing."
"In that case, I guess I’ll just have to take my chances." Said Tess.
Earl looked at her kind of funny, and after the brackets were posted and everybody saw her name listed, and found out who she was, they all found it hard to keep the grins off their faces. Especially when they found out that her first match was against "Moose" Olafson.
Naturally, when that match came up, the whole crowd was there to watch and cheer.
It was a stalemate for a couple of seconds, everybody grinning because they knew that "Moose" was giving her a chance to salvage a little pride.
And then there was a sharp crack, as the arm bone broke, and peaked, it was through the straining muscles of the upper arm of "Moose" Olafson.
As one might expect, this had quite a psychological effect on the rest of the contestants, and Tess went on to win the tournament.
When Tess went to the bar to collect her winnings, Earl asked her for her last name to put in the record book.
"Tosterone." She said.
Earl looked at her. "Tess Tosterone?" he asked.
Tess looked right back at him. "Yeah, Tess Tosterone. You got a problem with that?"
"No, hell no!" said Earl. He logged the name and the date, and got very busy down the other end of the bar.
Tess may have found herself a new home.

Till next week
Helga Biermeister
Secretary